Inner Circle
I’ve always believed I’d make an amazing girlfriend and, one day, an amazing wife. I hold myself to high standards, I invest deeply in the people I care about, and I know the kind of love I’m capable of giving. But every now and then, a question creeps in: if that’s true, why don’t guys always see it?
Instead of brushing that thought off, I sat with it. Then it hit me, who better to ask than the men I’ve actually dated? They knew me in ways that acquaintances and admirers didn’t. They saw both the best and the not-so-polished sides of me. And while I’m not exactly calling them up for an interview (we’re on good terms, but let’s not be dramatic), I can still reflect on what I learned through their eyes.
So here it is: the pros and cons of dating me, not from my imagination, but from the unfiltered perspective of my exes.
Pros:
Magnetic presence: “We would walk into rooms together and suddenly everyone’s aware they’re underdressed. All eyes were on her, 24/7. Though, she once turned to me, locked eyes and said “Don’y worry about the eyes on me, when mine are on you”. I melted.”
High standards: “Calliope pushes you to be better, physically, emotionally, spiritually. (Whether you rise to it is another story.)”
Leadership energy: “She is a girl who knows how to take charge which made me want to step up as a man.”
Extroverted and engaging: :Social settings feel effortless with her; she shines and makes you shine too.”
Grounded in faith: “A moral compass so steady it’s both inspiring and intimidating.”
This girl will love you with conviction: “When you give her a safe space to commit, it’s steady, loyal, and intentional. There’s no guessing game about where you stand. She loved you, loud.”
Elegant taste: “From jazz bars to fine dining, she elevates everyday life into experiences.”
Unshakable confidence: “Knows her worth, and you never forget it.”
Cons:
High standards (again): “Her soul is not for the faint of heart. When I wasn’t pulling my weight, she make sure I felt it.”
No room for laziness: “Calliope won’t let you just “coast” in life or the relationship. She notices. And ended up resenting me for it.”
Tough exterior: “Getting past the armour to the softer side takes work, some guys quit before they got there. (Although, Calliope, let me tell you it was pure bliss when we got there).”
Talks like a lawyer: “Arguments feel less like conversations and more like closing statements.”
Eldest-daughter energy: “Sometimes slips into “project manager mode” when you just wanted a girlfriend, not a life coach.”
Uncompromising values: “When I didn’t share her moral foundation, there’s no wiggle room.”
Not basic, ever: “If I even entertain the thought of wearing ‘Nike’ trainers out the house, I was walking out alone".
Good taste in everything: “Made my idea of “romantic” sometimes look… amateur. Which stung at times.”
Outside in our own home: “Calliope’s faith can create distance. When we didn’t fully share it, I felt like outsiders to one of the most important parts of her life.”
Reading this back, I can’t help but feel thankful. Thankful for the men who stuck around long enough to feel my love and love me back, even if only for a chapter. They gave me memories, lessons, and glimpses of the kind of connection I know I’m capable of. And honestly, it makes me proud that the version of me they met was already someone who loved with conviction, stood firm in her faith, and expected more than mediocrity.
But it also makes me pause. Because behind every “pro” I’m proud of, there’s a shadow in the cons reminding me I’m still a work in progress. I see now that strength doesn’t always have to come wrapped in armour, and leadership doesn’t have to look like control. I still need to learn softness, to let someone in without making them prove themselves a hundred times over, to balance standards with grace.
I know I’ll get there. And until then, I’ll keep holding gratitude for the men who showed me both the beauty and the rough edges of loving me.
