I’ve always believed I’d make an amazing girlfriend and, one day, an amazing wife. I hold myself to high standards, I invest deeply in the people I care about, and I know the kind of love I’m capable of giving. But every now and then, a question creeps in: if that’s true, why don’t guys always see it? Instead of brushing that thought off, I sat with it. Then it hit me, who better to ask than the men I’ve actually dated? They knew me in ways that acquaintances and admirers didn’t. They saw both the best and the not-so-polished sides of me. And while I’m not exactly calling them up for an interview (we’re on good terms, but let’s not be dramatic), I can still reflect on what I learned through their eyes.

There’s a very particular look people give you when you say you’re still single in your twenties and that you have standards. It’s a strange cocktail of sympathy and confusion, as if you’ve got a rare condition that could be cured if only you’d agree to go out with Steve from accounting because “he’s nice” and “owns a dog”. You can almost hear the unspoken sentiment: “Poor girl, still waiting for Prince Charming while all the good ones are gone.”

There’s a quiet kind of power in a woman whose life doesn’t hinge on anyone else’s presence, whose world remains rich and full, rain or shine, solo or partnered. You are that woman. You wake up each morning and your purpose is served, your ambitions are unfolding, your joys are yours. A man might enter your narrative, but he doesn’t rewrite your story. You’re not waiting for someone to shape you, complete you or fill any gaps, because you’re already whole. That’s the essence of being the upgrade.

There’s a peculiar kind of emotional limbo you find yourself in when the idea of reaching out to an ex crosses your mind, not because something was toxic or bitter, but simply because a small, wistful part of you wonders: What if? Recently, I was standing right on that ledge. No drama, no anger, just a quiet curiosity about a past connection that, in a parallel universe, might have been the “forever” kind of thing.